Mid-October, 2011 set performed at the 9:55 Comedy Club, McCormack’s Irish Pub and Cafe Diem open mics in Richmond, VA.
It’s Columbus Day. If you really want to get into the spirit of Columbus Day, rob a Seven-11 and kill the owner. Last month was World Alzheimer’s Month. I wanted to observe it but I forgot.
I’m excited to be here. How excited? More excited than Amanda Knox at an orgy. Good news: Amanda Knox’s murder conviction is overturned. Bad news: she’s been sentenced to spend a season on ‘“Jersey Shore” in Italy. Spoiler alert for “Jersey Shore”: in the dramatic finale, the Situation gets herpes on his Genoa salami. TLC canceled “Kate Plus Eight.” Kate Goselin will team up with Casey Anthony for a new reality TV show, “Kate Plus Casey Minus Eight.”
Ratings are down for “Dancing with the Stars.” That’s understandable. It’s hard to say whose wardrobe malfunction the audience is more worried about: Nancy Grace or Chaz Bono. The Mentalist is so perceptive, he can actually tell the difference between Erin Burnett and Erica Hill. “The Playboy Club” gets canceled after three shows. A bitter Hugh Hefner says, “I’ve had Viagra erections that lasted longer.” Christina Applegate is the star of “Up All Night,” a sitcom about a couple with a new baby. If Christina breastfeeds the baby, that will be some real acting. George Lopez lost his job as a late night talk show host on TNT. Things are so bad he had to take a job as Craig Ferguson’s pool boy.
The bad news: New Jersey Governor Chris Christie won’t make a run for president. The good news: he’ll still make a run to Krispy Kreme. The bad news: Sarah Palin says she won’t run for president. The good news: she’s considering another run at Glen Rice. Texas Governor Rick Perry likes to talk about seceding from the United States. It got so bad the other day his hairpiece seceded from his head. Michelle Obama shopped incognito at Target and picked up a copy of “One-Term Presidency for Dummies” by Jimmy Carter at 20 percent off.
I realize the Apple iPhone 4S announcement was a big disappointment. I still feel Steve Jobs
overreacted. Steve Jobs is not dead. He’s just extensively product testing the iCoffin.
I had the $5 three-piece chicken special at Aunt Sarah’s Pancake House. Aunt Sarah’s Pancake House is where the people of Walmart go when they want to make fun of people. “Ooh, he’s too fat.” The chicken wasn’t free range. It was sit on a couch, smoke a bowl and watch tiddlywinks on ESPN chicken. This chicken wasn’t organic. It had more antibiotics in it than a 60-year-old San Francisco AIDS patient.
