Strange but true
- Though he was once engaged to a woman who turned out to be batshit crazy, Chris Martin is now single because of his previous traumatic experiences and those of his friends, the poor example set by his parents, a morbid fear of STDs and bodily fluids and a crippling fear of intimacy.
- Chris Martin once fell into a canal in Venice while sailing his toy yacht.
- Asshole comics who followed Chris Martin on Twitter and then unfollowed him: Steve Hofstetter and Jerry Thomas.
- Chris Martin was on the radio on the Armed Forces Network in Trieste, Italy on television at the Soviet Russian pavilion at the Brussels World Fair in Belgium and the Afghan propaganda unit of the United States.
- Chris Martin may be the only person on the planet who has shaken hands with Andy Dick and Jerry Falwell.
- Chris Martin was briefly friends on Facebook with Kiera Knightley, who may have thought he was the other Chris Martin.
- John Reaves, David Marie-Garland and Chris Martin swore an oath in blood and PBR at the Avalon restaurant in Richmond, VA in August, 2010 that they would move to NYC and perform stand-up there by 2020.
- Chris Martin has sworn an oath on the grave of Sam Kinison that he and David Marie-Garland will one day drink JELL-0 shots from the navel of Eliza Dushku.
- Chris Martin wants to come on Mila’s Kunis.
- Chris Martin lost his virginity in a bathtub.
- Chris Martin was once a prolific tagger in the Jackson-Ward neighborhood of Richmond, VA.
- Sometimes arrested, never convicted.
- Like Homer Simpson, Chris Martin is banned for life from several shopping malls.
- Chris Martin was a member of Students for a Democrat Society in the sixties. The national headquarters of SDS at 1608 W. Madison Street, Chicago, IL 60612 is now a Taco Bell.
